in school...

"Someone who truly loves u won't make u cry"... these words have been haunting me...

I like listening to ppl.'s love experiences... like fairytales, they are beautiful, sweet and amazing. The main gist of all of the stories is that when u are in love, the little things you do and say becomes significant gestures; they are important to someone who treasures them.

22nd Feb 2007. I found you...

I've nv cried in front of u becoz u truly don't make me cry. But without you... things are different.

You told, or rather warned me before that you dun like being romantic. I kept quiet then. Being romantic is not about giving flowers and having candlelight dinner, neither is it, in my opinion, walking along the beach with the setting sun in the backgrd. Becoz all these are mere actions without a motive. It is the notion of WHAT MADE YOU DO ALL THAT FOR HIM/HER? that makes the gesture romantic. You get to be romantic if you do something (no matter how little) for the person that you love and care.

Remember the conversations we had? About me being unable to withstand ppl. breaking promises? Then one about giving flowers? - You said you're the type who will ask directly from the person if you want something.

I asked you yesterday about accompanying me for a breather. I really needed it. So it's my fault that I didn't make it clear. Sorry. That I've said 'if' and 'early'. Perhaps I should have told these to you: I was about to breakdown.... I need you to be there... I need a shoulder to cry on... I feel terrible.. Stressed out. Worn out. Tired. Fragile. Alone. But i didn't... I just asked if you'd accompany me somewhere, 'If' and 'Early'. And you said yes.

Yesterday you left first... Whilst my group waited by the filming location for the truck that almost nv came. TeckSiang's and Jit's group helped us unpack... and we all helped the sch sort out the equipments: FEGs/ADM/FEGs/ADM... missing extension cables, missing wedges... count the kinoflo banks... Then I went to ShiQi's hall to bathe... I didn't wanna go home (need breathing space)... Deciding to watch a movie when i get back to ADM (But i didn't coz none of the stupid MAC in sch plays DVD unless specific regional code was set). All the while checking my phone. I didn't reply u on the msg becoz i didn't know how to. I didn't wanna say.. 'ok.', then summarize my shoot in a simple sms. I didn't know which is worse... the summarizing or the pretence that i'm ok.

Chatted with ShiQi. I didn't wanna go on MSN... not today.

1.30am, I took a slow walk back to ADM alone, the air smelt like grass and wet mud. You've said we'd talk tonight... I didn't go on msn... I tot u'd care. ShiQi said you wouldn't notice... i told her you would... maybe.. Well... not a call... I dun like talking on phone doesn't mean that I dun like u calling me. Not an sms... not even a good night from you...

It's bad to cry in ADM... the alrdy dry air will dry up your eyes... but tears wouldn't listen.. I couldn't control... So here I am... still in school, crying to the big blue computer screen... And all these will be stashed in the blog... you'd not notice... you'll not hear me say.... You don't want to read my blog. It's ok. I'm ok, Then again, am i?