Thoughts..

Been a long time since I’ve updated this blog… Hmm… writing becoz the person intended to see this will prolly not read. Haha… weird Ellen. But if you’re interested to know…

Ohh well… I’ve been through too much.. I think. There was this girl whom I love as a best fren… I was there, everytime a guy wants to woo her… I’m decidedly there as a love consultant, listening ear… the blah… There came a period of time when I really hated encouraging, hated listening, hated talking, basically, hated being there… for it seems that ppl are always asking about her… Why not me? Haha.. childish? Maybe...

I drifted away.

Then I entered JC, met a bunch of frenz who accept me for what I was. Slowly the old Ellen came back. I was really happy. A guy came into my life then, a guy who held my hand and asked me to be with him; the same guy whom I tot was in love with me till I found out his love lies in another girl… His gf of 4 years of whom I didn’t noe of; Hurt, betrayal, but my frenz were there for me… Been there, done that.

Twice more had I allowed myself to deny self-control and like someone. Twice had I been rejected… I questioned the belief of love and liking then… and is still questioning it. I am trying desperately to hold back now, lest I should find myself falling, falling through air… and ending up as a crumpled heap, again.

Well… if I’m wrong… go now and ignore this whole crap thing of spoken thoughts. Prolly a really stupid idea to confess all these in the first place… >.< I can’t even remember why I’m writing. Hmm…

But if I’m right… Actually, ya… the thing that u should noe is that I’m Very very bAD at portraying my feelings in front of somebody I like, coz I sincerely don’t want to hurt myself again. Hmm… Ohh well… Signing off to a whole lot of crap, which will prolly seal my own fate. =T Randomness rox...