The heart can only take so much.

Today is the day i finally sat down and cried. Okay... I did not sit down, I was walking as the tears flowed. Finally, after so long... it felt kind of good.

I admit that I've thought too much of myself, thinking that perhaps, I am important to you. At least in some parts of your heart. For i've told you, where is a girl who'll not dream and hope for someone to sweep her off her feet with romantic gestures and promises to last a lifetime? I'm not even asking for that, I'm just asking for a bit of you. But so many times, I've been denied. Too many times...

I will not give up, as long as this heart beats and flutters and sings when you're around, your smile. But I can die away, together with the hope and the tears, just a happy front.

I've asked despite myself; many times, in hope of a day well spent with you. A day when we need not be meeting up just for a movie that we in the end wouldn't watch, a day when I can just walk alongside you to strange and unfamiliar places, not worrying about the time when you would be rushing off to meet this person and that, all previously not known to me till the very last minute, a day when i'm not left to do up my own plan after putting aside all others just because you said "Ok". It hurts too much... and there is only so much chilli in a bottle to numb.

Haha... someone says to give you some time... I too ask for time from you, just a little. Maybe it is too much. Someone says to give you space, so space is what I'll give for now.

I'm sorry... perhaps it's been as torturous and you as unwilling to be out with me as with the person you're telling. I wouldn't know, cause you do seem to be putting off. I told you once, twice, many times... I don't mind you for who you are, I like you as you... But you seem to be the one who's hiding me... Hiding me away from many sides of things... Hiding me away even from our own friends. I dun wanna believe it... so tell me it's not true?

I'm sorry too that I gave you the impression that i'm always angry. I am never angry... just sad, disappointed and sometimes, I'm not feeling any of those at all. I'm sorry to be a source of stress for you for that matter.

I don't want to look at you in the eyes, your heart and soul, because when i do look, I feel myself falling deeper and then there's this voice that says... Love him less, it will hurt lesser that way if he should tell you to go and leave him alone someday, so i looked away.

Ohh well... enough of blabbering... you'll never read it... and i too perhpas will nv mention it.